foolintherain | DEERINGTON INBOX

[ Dean is notorious for unhealthy coping mechanisms and questionable behavioral patterns. He's put on an act for so long, it's hard to even know who he is anymore, though slowly but surely, he's starting to figure that out, here.

Dean hadn't really banked on Cas factoring into the equation, but damned if he isn't here, solid and real, and Dean's eyes are fixed on him now, listening, really listening to what's being said instead of passing it off and deliberately misinterpreting.

The words make his hands shake, and he fervently wishes he'd brought the bottle outside with him because now his nerves are rattled and he's trying to figure out what to say, how to say it. He knows what he feels, and this is the end, and Cas was right when he said this might be our last night to make amends. Any day now, it could be the end, the dream or whatever could crumble and they could be dead. He's missed out on one last chance already. He doesn't want to miss out on another. ]

Cas..

[ He exhales, closes his eyes and takes a moment, heart frantically fluttering in his chest. ]

Want me how? [ He finally manages, voice rough, a little demanding, one hand curled into a fist so tight his knuckles are white, the other planting on the dirt, to lean him a little in Cas' direction, on tenterhooks, desperate for validation, for the things he needs to hear. ]

Edited (word choices) 2021-05-30 23:36 (UTC)

[ The end of the world came and went. Cas was expecting emptiness to come next, maybe Hell. This is different from that. It's another ending, and who's to say there won't be another one after this?

But for Castiel, it doesn't matter. He doesn't have a little brother to protect or vengeance to seek. He welcomes the end. There's only one thing tethering him to reality in the face of oblivion, and that one thing is leaning on closer to him, beautifully vulnerable, and asking "how" as if the answer isn't obvious and understood, that anyone who doesn't want Dean Winchester, incredible, radiant thing that he is, in every way possible, humanly or otherwise, is a fool. And also, coincidentally, so is the man who does.

As Cas brings a hand to Dean's cheek with the confidence that it won't be brushed away, and he leans in, eyes on Dean's lips, something in him is screaming say it, and everything else in him is screaming, don't fuck up. He's not going to be the one who had a connection with Dean, only to watch him sleep around the next day. He's not as strong as Risa. He would rot straight into the ground, add to the compost for Dean's garden. ]

Like... a fool in the rain.

[ Cas leans in and kisses Dean's mouth gently, inhaling the smell of green things and wet earth. His eyes fall closed, and his heart still pounds away in his ears double time, like rain falling. Like Zeppelin. "And the warmth of your smile starts a burning, and the thrill of your touch give me fright, and I'm shaking so much, really yearning. Why don't you show up and make it alright?" ]

[ Dean is trembling under Cas' touch, the tremors shivering through his body as Cas cups his face. He's missed this, missed how openly affectionate Cas can be, the lazy smile, the fluidity of his movements. Even if they were never really directed at him back home, he's missed it and now that Cas is here...Dean needs him.

Cas answers and Dean nearly weeps, because Cas knows him, knows his love of Zepplin, and it's being used against him and Dean doesn't give a single fucking shit. ]

...Cas.

[ Dean chokes Cas' name out against the angels lips, covering the hand on his face, fingers stroking over Cas' skin, emotion threatening to burst out of his chest like a damn face hugger. Dean lasts about a second before he's reaching for Cas' waist, dragging him into his lap, dirt be damned.

And if you promised you'd love so completely
And you said you would always be true
You swore that you never would leave me baby
Whatever happened to you?

Dean kisses him fiercely, hungrily, teasing his lips open, gripping him tight, flush against Dean's chest. ]

[ There's no separation between dream and reality when Cas is with Dean, and really, he's alright with that. It's a better ending that he ever would've planned for himself, the ultimate escape into Dean's arms, and Cas embraces it (and Dean) willingly. He links their fingers as Dean's hand covers his, holds Dean's cheeks in both hands as he's kissed back deeply, so, so shiveringly warmly, and he climbs like mercury into Dean's laps as soon as that arm around his waist is tugging him. This is Heaven. Fuck the real place. And if it's Hell fucking with him, they've really upped their game since the last time Cas visited, six years ago, and held Dean's soul in his hands for the first and crushingly last time.

He breathes in his kisses, hums reassuringly against Dean's mouth, and considering Cas can barely keep himself still like this, knees in the dirt, rocking into Dean's lap and sucking on his tongue, it's probably better that they stop and, for Dean's sake, at least, find privacy somewhere. If only Cas wanted to stop. ]

How about—

[ He tries to say, to pull away from Dean when all he does instead is slide his hands down to Dean's neck and pull him in closer, slowing down kisses that remain soul-searchingly, heatedly deep between the words he mumbles against Dean's mouth. ]

Why don't you go... bang on your car... while I finish up in the garden, here... and then come out to help?

[ Cas inhales Dean's kisses, and it's a crazy, mind-melting high he really, doesn't want to think through. It's a struggle. He keeps kissing Dean and pressing against him despite the words, in every rush to escalate the heat and the grind rather than the whole, separate and walk away idea. ]

[ They absolutely should stop. Dean isn't ready to be out out yet, and he damn sure doesn't want his kid brother (either of them) spying on him and making unneeded comments that'll ultimately make Dean pissy and shy away. He can be a fragile individual, and this is something so delicate he's afraid that it will shatter if prodded too much. ]

You're kidding me. [ He groans a little against Cas' lips; he has so much more to say to Cas, I need you, it's always been you, what happened to us, I'm sorry, I want you, I love you, but what comes out is strangled and half gasped, his fingers twisting into Cas' shirt as he keeps Cas pinned against him. ]

You can't use Zeppelin to seduce me then shoo me off. [ It's not even fair. ]

[ Isn't Dean lucky to have someone in his lap who knows his homophobic hang-ups so well? Yeah, lucky. That's the word for it, definitely, as Cas grins against Dean's mouth and kneels up, putting just enough space between them to slide a hand over Dean's dick and squeeze him through his jeans. ]

Mmm... Okay. If you'd rather carry me across the front lawn and throw me into the back seat while I scream, "Yes, Dean, fuck me, I'm yours," I'm game.

[ Sex is easy. Easy to get into, easy to excuse, easy to forgive. Things like I need you, I love you, I'm sorry are so much more damning. Cas isn't expecting Dean to say anything. Just being close to him like this, as often as Dean will let him, is enough. ]

[ Ngh, lucky. Yes. Precisely that. To be fair, 'getting lucky' is nearly all he can think about, Cas' hand between his legs makes his brain short circuit. One taste of that angel ass and Dean's all over him.

Who even is he. ]

Tempting. [ Scream to the world he belongs to Dean? Yes, please - sign him up for that, right now.

Still. Cas actually was speaking sense, they should break apart, put this on pause until people are either in bed or less likely to see them out of a window.

That's what common sense tells him, anyway. His cock in Cas' hand has different ideas, though, because Dean is drinking those kisses down like man stranded in the desert would gulp water, his arm around Cas' waist, pinning him in close. ]

You're probably right.

[ Okay, for Dean to actually consider it instead of being sufficiently freaked out isn't what Cas is expecting. It sends a little shiver of possessive jealousy through him, the idea that Dean might enjoy being so conspicuously spoken for, though Cas quashes the idea just as quickly. You can't really trust anything that comes out of someone's mouth while your hand is on their junk, so there's no reason to get his hopes up. It's not like he wants more from Dean, anyway. Companionship is enough, and sex is the whipped cream on the pie, so to speak. Straddling Dean's thighs, holding his cheek, and kissing his mouth filthily is already so much more than good enough. ]

Mm-hm.

[ Cas agrees about being right, and when Dean pulls him closer, Cas goes willingly again deeper into Dean's lap until they're pressed flush again. He has to take his hand off Dean's dick to do it, but that's for the best, really. They should stop. If they get caught right now, no matter what Dean says, Cas is sure it'll be the end. He doesn't want to lose this newfound intimacy, the one thing in his life sweeter than escaping it. He holds Dean's jaw as he kisses him again, and again, and again, and finally, achingly, he pulls away from Dean's kisses and the wrap of his arms. ]

Alright, you've distracted me from my, uh, exposed work long enough, Dean.

[ It feels a little like breathing in air that's gone below freezing, pulling away from Dean; it takes his breath away and stings his lungs. Cas smiles through the pain, setting his feet carefully between the rows of kale as he uses Dean's shoulders to stand, then looks at him adoringly as he offers his hands to help Dean up, as well. ]

Go bang your baby.

[ Dean is loathe to let go, but Cas is right, they're out here in the wide ass open, exposed not just to the nosy eyes of his brothers, but also to any monsters that may be lurking, waiting to attack once they're completely distracted. Dean's already got healing wounds from the last run in, one of the windows in the cabin still boarded up because he hasn't found glass to replace it. He doesn't really want another run in if he can help it. Despite little Sam's precise stitches, a needle still hurts. ]

Mm..fine. [ His arms drop from around Cas' body, letting him get up, though it feels like there's a hole where Cas was, the ache of his loss felt immediately as he takes Cas' hands and hauls himself up. ]

Come find me when you finish here.

[ Imagine getting mauled by monsters while you're fucking out in the yard. That's certainly one way to die. Alas, reason wins out, and though Cas is reluctant to let Dean leave, common sense of not, he eventually steps away, letting go of one of Dean's hands, kissing his knuckles, and then releasing the other, as well. ]

Will do, boss.

[ He drops to his knees and begins sifting through the dirt, plucking up the remaining weeds by the roots almost instantly, desperately needing the distraction from the fading of Dean's warmth on his skin.

***

It doesn't actually take all that long to finish up in the garden, but Cas draws it out, giving Dean enough time to establish his alibi and actually work on the car, if he feels like. Cas meanwhile rummages through the cabin until he finds some much needed supplies, bundling them all up in a first aid kit he carries under his arm when he approaches Dean some half hour later by the Impala, his hands washed clean but his knees still dirty with soil. His footsteps are clumsily loud, but he introduces himself before he gets close, anyway. He whistles low. The Impala may not be road ready, but she's a far cry from what she looked like back in Chitaqua. ]

Really been putting the work in, huh?

[ Throwing himself into working on the car is the only way he doesn't do exactly what Cas teased him with, hauling the angel bodily across the lawn while declaring that this ass is his, dammit, then ravaging him in the backseat of the impala for all to see.

Best wait til dark, at least. Darker, anyway, what with the mists and fog.

When Cas finds him, Dean's neck deep under the hood replacing a few nuts and bolts from parts salvaged from the scrapyard - he'll need to make a trip over again for some more parts, maybe he can grab Sam and take that ugly ass Lincoln and load up.

Dean's sleeves are pushed up, and his skin is smeared with grease. He appreciates the whistle, even though he heard Cas coming. Of all people, Cas knows Dean doesn't like being snuck up on in any capacity; he's grateful for the announcement of his presence.

He doesn't withdraw from where he's tightening something with a socket wrench, he just finishes what he's doing before he pauses, leaning against Baby a little while he wipes his face with a dirty towel. ]

Yeah, trying to get her road ready again. She's comin' along.

[ And once they finally do go to the summoning stones, she'll really be in good shape. ]

[ With the absence of things like showers or a plethora of running faucets during the apocalypse, it wasn't easy to keep clean. Luckily for Dean, he looks very good dirty. Once Cas is well within hearing range, he sets his hands on his hips, kit still under arm, and is content to watch Dean work, including smearing a bit more grease on his face in an attempt to wipe of the sweat. It's relentlessly attractive, but of course, Cas is sure Dean knows that. ]

Looking good.

[ Cas says, meaning the car, or Dean, or both, who can say. He doesn't clarify, but smiles with the implication that, whichever Dean decides, he's right about it. ]

About how much longer until you hit a breaking point, would you say?

[ Because Cas is patient enough to wait, but when he interrupts Dean, oh, it's going to be a thorough interruption. ]

[ He's, you know. Casually aware of the fact that he looks pretty good covered in sweat and grease. Good thing Cas doesn't mind his grime, or if he does, he's never said anything about it and doesn't now.

Dean glances up, flashes Cas a little wink as he stands upright, tossing the towel aside. ]

I'm probably done for the day. Need to hit the scrapyard soon, see about finding some more parts. [ He'll brave the mists for his baby. ]

[ Sometimes hygiene is important, and then sometimes you just want to see the man you love covered in grease and motor oil. Both takes are valid, Cas thinks. But then, let's be real, there isn't much Cas isn't okay with these days. When Dean winks, Cas smiles brighter, and when he says he's done, Cas helps himself to meandering over, closing the hood and hopping right up on it. ]

Well, let me know when you're heading out, and I'll watch your back. Don't want you winding up with any more bug bites.

[ Speaking of, he pulls his legs up to sit cross-legged on the hood and opens the first aid kit across his lap, then he holds out a hand towards Dean expectantly. ]

Let's see that arm.

[ Leave it to Dean to get not one, but two injuries at the same time, one of which Cas is regrettably responsible for. Keeping the stitches clean and the bandage on his hand fresh is is the least he can do. ]

[ There are very few people he'd let sit on Baby's hood, Cas is one of them. Dean watches Cas hop up, meandering closer, ready to lean into his space. ]

I will.

[ Between Cas and Sam, Dean finally, finally feels complete, like his family really is knitting itself back together again. His brothers are here, and while one is a spritely fourteen and the other a broody motherfucker, they're here and they're okay and they're alive. Healthy, even.

With Cas here, it feels like his little circle is complete.

It's a good feeling. ]

You don't have to worry about it. It's fine. [ Probably nearly healed, maybe.

He's rolling the sleeve up to his shoulder on his left arm anyway, because it's Cas, and the argument isn't worth it, and he likes the attention he's getting. ]

[ There aren't many situations when Cas feels the need to be stubborn and argue with Dean, but this would certainly be one of them, so it's a relief when Dean rolls up his sleeve instead of fighting it. Cas uses the time to open an antiseptic bottle and wet a clean cotton pad, an absolutely luxury compared to threadbare rags soaked in whiskey. ]

Sorry to deprive you of the scars you've been nurturing.

[ But no, actually, when Dean offers his arm and Cas takes it in his hands and wipes over the sutures, cleaning away the errant smudge of grease, they're healing nicely. Sam did a good job, but of course, Cas shouldn't be surprised. The brothers take care of each other. It's strange and painfully nostalgic to see. ]

I think that's the moment that I realized this place was real, in some form of the word: when you cut yourself, and I watched you bleed.

[ Cas muses to himself as he works, leaving the cleaned stitches to dry while he wets a new cloth and takes Dean's hand in both of his, spreading his palm open, cleaning away the rust and grease from a wound that's only rough and pink and not really in need of attention, already mostly healed. Cas cleans it thoroughly anyway, as if it were fresh. ]

In just about every other way, this place still feels like a dream.

[ For some people, this town full of monsters and mist and alternate versions of oneself would be a nightmare, but for them? It's the kindest dream Cas has had in a long time, far preferable to the waking world. Their reality feels more like a nightmare he's afraid he'll fall back into the next time he closes his eyes. ]

[ Sam was always better with needlework than Dean. Dean's efficient, he can get it done, but Sam's were always nicer and far less likely to scar. It's certainly healing well. ]

At first, it was a nightmare. [ For Dean, anyway. Cas is lucky (sort of) in that he missed most of the trauma Dean was exposed to almost immediately upon arriving, and Dean truly does have to count his lucky stars that his angel wasn't privy to any of that shit - the actual events, and the consequences.

Dean was not well for a while. His coping mechanisms are already unhealthy, and the risks he took while Sam was dead were considerable. There are a lot of new scars dotting his body now, some still pink and blistery. Healed, but new. ]

It's better now. [ Ariadne had been right, again (he'll never confess) - as awful as the city could be, it was better than home. ]

[ Whatever happened to Dean in Deerington that could possibly be considered as bad (or worse) than the world of zombies and hell they've arrived from, Cas isn't sure he wants to hear about. He frowns at Dean as he wipes the last traces of grease from his palm, waiting for an explanation, but of course, one doesn't come. Nothing good comes from reopening old wounds, and so Cas lets it lie, putting the dirtied supplies back into the kit in his lap and then setting the whole thing aside next to him, and pulling Dean's hand back into his again. He lays his thumbs with firm, gentle pressure along the scar in Dean's hand, watching his face to gauge from his expression if it's fully healed or if there's something nasty simmering beneath the surface, because he doesn't trust Dean at all to tell him. ]

You're alive. So yeah, I'd call that better.

[ Also Lucifer is MIA, Sam is adorably young, and Croatoan isn't running rampant, destroying the world, but Cas is shameless about where his priorities lie these days. ]

[ Dean won't elaborate, not unless Cas pries it out of him. Even then, at most, Cas would get a watered down version to spare the trauma Dean had experienced. Dean isn't great at 'sharing' and emoting, especially not anymore.

He tips his head, watching Cas, letting him press on the scar. It aches a tad, in the way newly healed wounds do, but it isn't vicious or sharp like the raw wounds in his heart that will not mend. ]

So are you.

[ They're both alive, and there's something to be said for that, and it's all he can think about as he curls his fingers over Cas', covering them with his free hand. ]

[ No infection then, just another lovely pink scar added to the other fades scars and freckles of Dean's skin. That's the best they can hope for: healed scars. Maybe it's not possible to heal the ones that run deep, but at least they can numb them for a little bit. ]

Am I? It's hard to tell sometimes where that thin red line between living and existing is drawn.

[ Cas only encourages Dean's touch, linking their fingers like the tendrils of a jellyfish, drawing Dean in. He tugs Dean closer by the arm and angles his head, leaning in to whisper against his mouth. ]

Prove it to me?

[ He makes a noise in the back of his throat in agreement; living and existing are sometimes two very, very different things. Still, Cas is real, tangible - warm as he pulls Dean in, lips brushing so softly, a ghost of a kiss. ]

I'd be happy to.

[ His voice is low, warm - a rumble in his chest, need bubbling back up to the surface, fingers tightening on Cas' hand as he reaches with his other to cup the back of his head, slide his fingers into soft dark hair, guide Cas in the rest of the way.

A proper kiss - they're exposed, but it can't be helped, Dean can't stop himself, denying any of this is stupid when they were granted this almost hallucinatory second chance.

They're real. This is real. It is and isn't a dream, but Dean feels in the pit of his belly that regardless the terminology used, this is real. Cas is real, he's warm, he's here - Dean can still hardly believe it.

He kisses him like it's their last, tasting his lips, hand sliding free of Cas; hair in favor of cupping his jaw, thumb brushing his cheek. He kisses him again and again, devouring him, stealing Cas' breath, barely allowing either of them to breathe before he's diving back in, tracing his tongue over soft lips, hungry, ravenous, desperate. ]

[ Dreams can be so vivid, but it's always obvious that you've been dreaming after you wake up. There are details that don't hold up, realities that would never happen in the waking hours. The problem is, Dean feels like one of those impossible things, that it's hard to accept that this dream is real, whether Cas is awake or not. The rasp of his voice and the warmth of his mouth are beautifully corporeal. His fingers are calloused but gentle as they cover Cas's fingers and sink into his hair, and whether this is a cruel dream or a kind reality, Cas leans into it, welcoming Dean's hands, his tongue, his warmth, and everything that makes Dean Dean inexorably closer.

Doubt is a creeping, poisonous thing, but Dean's hands and overwhelmingly deep kisses chase it away. Cas's fingers tug at Dean's shirt and slip under it to find more skin to touch, and Dean's warmth is a weapon against the world that Cas clings to. He kisses him back, blissfully breathless. He slides forward towards Dean, starved even as he's being sated, and the hood pops under the loss of his weight, and Cas remembers why they're out here making out like teenagers on the front lawn to start with, and why they shouldn't, and what he's risking.

It's enough of a fear that he pulls his hands out from under Dean's shirt and leans away from those sweetly addictive kisses. His eyes track Dean's lips and his voice is breathless with Dean's kisses, and all Cas wants is to lean back in and inhale him more. But— ]

Mn... The hood's nice, a real workout on the abs, but when do I get my tour of the backseat?

[ Dean follows after Cas when he leans back, his hands sliding free of hair and hands. He aches for more, lips cool and damp from where he'd tasted paradise. Cas is speaking, but it's muffled under the roar of need in Dean's veins, skin pricked with gooseflesh from where Cas' fingers slid over his body. ]

What? [ Dean's already reaching for Cas again, uncomprehending at first, mirroring the desire for touch. He slips his hand under Cas' shirt to pass over his belly to his lower back, eager to bring him in ever closer, because Dean cannot get enough and even the press of flesh on flesh is not good enough. He wants to crawl into Cas and stay there, so deeply ingrained, sand under skin.

Some of the fog clears, though, and it registers what is actually being said and Dean remembers himself, eases back with great reluctance and lets his fingers trail over Cas' skin, lingering at his hip. Cas is a bright star in Dean's dimly lit universe, a beacon of light glimmering in the twilight. He can't look away, can't pull away from his gravity now that he's allowed himself to be caught.

A deep breath, one, two. ]

Right now.

Edited 2021-06-03 13:03 (UTC)

[ Reality is the space between them, the cool air saturated with the sharp smell of fog. The dream world is Dean's hands on Cas's skin, lighting up his senses, flaring up heat under the wake of Dean's fingertips on his sides, his back, and sand underneath skin sounds terrible, but if it's Dean, Cas would welcome the painful itch, wrap a protective shell around it, and squeeze, and lave, and love Dean's grit to smooth, righteous pearl.

Parting from Dean's touch is not sweet, all sorrow, and as soon as Cas is slid off the hood, he wraps his hands up in Dean's flannel and tugs him towards himself again, kissing Dean's mouth but only fleetingly, making him chase as he walks backwards around the side of the car, dragging Dean along with each step. ]

Right now is perfect. Show me.

[ Cas leans back against the door and pulls Dean against him, kissing him deeper, drinking from his mouth, and it's a little counter-intuitive to the whole get inside the vehicle idea, but kissing Dean and holding him like this is a dream, and if they're lucky, maybe dream logic will take over and they'll phase right through the steel, hit the leather, and never have to part to do it. ]

[ Cas backs up, teasing Dean, and Dean easily, eagerly gives chase. He reaches for Cas, fingers light on his hips as he goes after him, seeking kisses only to be denied. The angel keeps just out of reach; Dean moves to close in and Cas slips away, until he managed to pin him up against the car, hips pressed flush, noses brushing. He doesn't kiss him again, though - not yet.

Instead, he reaches around, fumbles with the door handle to open it, pulling Cas with him as it swings outward. The backseat of the Impala is startlingly roomy, and the leather has been lovingly, carefully restored, parts salvaged from a strikingly similar Impala he'd found in the scrapyard.

A remnant from a previous stay, maybe. There's certainly been a revolving door of Winchesters in Deerington. He won't complain though, because the parts were needed and the leather was still intact. It'll hold up to the weight of two men, because Dean is easing Cas into the vehicle, pinning him down, and closing the door behind them.

Now he will kiss Cas again, teases at that pretty mouth, tongue tracing over lips. Dean is a selfish, greedy thing, and now that they've started whatever this is, he doesn't want to stop. ]

DEERINGTON INBOX

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cw: oh it's spicy now also

tHESE TWO

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do i have to cw: smut this same thread again because like it should be obvious by now

just be like cw: dean and cas, that's it, that's the warning

exactly

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