foolintherain | DEERINGTON INBOX

[ They absolutely should stop. Dean isn't ready to be out out yet, and he damn sure doesn't want his kid brother (either of them) spying on him and making unneeded comments that'll ultimately make Dean pissy and shy away. He can be a fragile individual, and this is something so delicate he's afraid that it will shatter if prodded too much. ]

You're kidding me. [ He groans a little against Cas' lips; he has so much more to say to Cas, I need you, it's always been you, what happened to us, I'm sorry, I want you, I love you, but what comes out is strangled and half gasped, his fingers twisting into Cas' shirt as he keeps Cas pinned against him. ]

You can't use Zeppelin to seduce me then shoo me off. [ It's not even fair. ]

[ Isn't Dean lucky to have someone in his lap who knows his homophobic hang-ups so well? Yeah, lucky. That's the word for it, definitely, as Cas grins against Dean's mouth and kneels up, putting just enough space between them to slide a hand over Dean's dick and squeeze him through his jeans. ]

Mmm... Okay. If you'd rather carry me across the front lawn and throw me into the back seat while I scream, "Yes, Dean, fuck me, I'm yours," I'm game.

[ Sex is easy. Easy to get into, easy to excuse, easy to forgive. Things like I need you, I love you, I'm sorry are so much more damning. Cas isn't expecting Dean to say anything. Just being close to him like this, as often as Dean will let him, is enough. ]

[ Ngh, lucky. Yes. Precisely that. To be fair, 'getting lucky' is nearly all he can think about, Cas' hand between his legs makes his brain short circuit. One taste of that angel ass and Dean's all over him.

Who even is he. ]

Tempting. [ Scream to the world he belongs to Dean? Yes, please - sign him up for that, right now.

Still. Cas actually was speaking sense, they should break apart, put this on pause until people are either in bed or less likely to see them out of a window.

That's what common sense tells him, anyway. His cock in Cas' hand has different ideas, though, because Dean is drinking those kisses down like man stranded in the desert would gulp water, his arm around Cas' waist, pinning him in close. ]

You're probably right.

[ Okay, for Dean to actually consider it instead of being sufficiently freaked out isn't what Cas is expecting. It sends a little shiver of possessive jealousy through him, the idea that Dean might enjoy being so conspicuously spoken for, though Cas quashes the idea just as quickly. You can't really trust anything that comes out of someone's mouth while your hand is on their junk, so there's no reason to get his hopes up. It's not like he wants more from Dean, anyway. Companionship is enough, and sex is the whipped cream on the pie, so to speak. Straddling Dean's thighs, holding his cheek, and kissing his mouth filthily is already so much more than good enough. ]

Mm-hm.

[ Cas agrees about being right, and when Dean pulls him closer, Cas goes willingly again deeper into Dean's lap until they're pressed flush again. He has to take his hand off Dean's dick to do it, but that's for the best, really. They should stop. If they get caught right now, no matter what Dean says, Cas is sure it'll be the end. He doesn't want to lose this newfound intimacy, the one thing in his life sweeter than escaping it. He holds Dean's jaw as he kisses him again, and again, and again, and finally, achingly, he pulls away from Dean's kisses and the wrap of his arms. ]

Alright, you've distracted me from my, uh, exposed work long enough, Dean.

[ It feels a little like breathing in air that's gone below freezing, pulling away from Dean; it takes his breath away and stings his lungs. Cas smiles through the pain, setting his feet carefully between the rows of kale as he uses Dean's shoulders to stand, then looks at him adoringly as he offers his hands to help Dean up, as well. ]

Go bang your baby.

[ Dean is loathe to let go, but Cas is right, they're out here in the wide ass open, exposed not just to the nosy eyes of his brothers, but also to any monsters that may be lurking, waiting to attack once they're completely distracted. Dean's already got healing wounds from the last run in, one of the windows in the cabin still boarded up because he hasn't found glass to replace it. He doesn't really want another run in if he can help it. Despite little Sam's precise stitches, a needle still hurts. ]

Mm..fine. [ His arms drop from around Cas' body, letting him get up, though it feels like there's a hole where Cas was, the ache of his loss felt immediately as he takes Cas' hands and hauls himself up. ]

Come find me when you finish here.

[ Imagine getting mauled by monsters while you're fucking out in the yard. That's certainly one way to die. Alas, reason wins out, and though Cas is reluctant to let Dean leave, common sense of not, he eventually steps away, letting go of one of Dean's hands, kissing his knuckles, and then releasing the other, as well. ]

Will do, boss.

[ He drops to his knees and begins sifting through the dirt, plucking up the remaining weeds by the roots almost instantly, desperately needing the distraction from the fading of Dean's warmth on his skin.

***

It doesn't actually take all that long to finish up in the garden, but Cas draws it out, giving Dean enough time to establish his alibi and actually work on the car, if he feels like. Cas meanwhile rummages through the cabin until he finds some much needed supplies, bundling them all up in a first aid kit he carries under his arm when he approaches Dean some half hour later by the Impala, his hands washed clean but his knees still dirty with soil. His footsteps are clumsily loud, but he introduces himself before he gets close, anyway. He whistles low. The Impala may not be road ready, but she's a far cry from what she looked like back in Chitaqua. ]

Really been putting the work in, huh?

[ Throwing himself into working on the car is the only way he doesn't do exactly what Cas teased him with, hauling the angel bodily across the lawn while declaring that this ass is his, dammit, then ravaging him in the backseat of the impala for all to see.

Best wait til dark, at least. Darker, anyway, what with the mists and fog.

When Cas finds him, Dean's neck deep under the hood replacing a few nuts and bolts from parts salvaged from the scrapyard - he'll need to make a trip over again for some more parts, maybe he can grab Sam and take that ugly ass Lincoln and load up.

Dean's sleeves are pushed up, and his skin is smeared with grease. He appreciates the whistle, even though he heard Cas coming. Of all people, Cas knows Dean doesn't like being snuck up on in any capacity; he's grateful for the announcement of his presence.

He doesn't withdraw from where he's tightening something with a socket wrench, he just finishes what he's doing before he pauses, leaning against Baby a little while he wipes his face with a dirty towel. ]

Yeah, trying to get her road ready again. She's comin' along.

[ And once they finally do go to the summoning stones, she'll really be in good shape. ]

[ With the absence of things like showers or a plethora of running faucets during the apocalypse, it wasn't easy to keep clean. Luckily for Dean, he looks very good dirty. Once Cas is well within hearing range, he sets his hands on his hips, kit still under arm, and is content to watch Dean work, including smearing a bit more grease on his face in an attempt to wipe of the sweat. It's relentlessly attractive, but of course, Cas is sure Dean knows that. ]

Looking good.

[ Cas says, meaning the car, or Dean, or both, who can say. He doesn't clarify, but smiles with the implication that, whichever Dean decides, he's right about it. ]

About how much longer until you hit a breaking point, would you say?

[ Because Cas is patient enough to wait, but when he interrupts Dean, oh, it's going to be a thorough interruption. ]

[ He's, you know. Casually aware of the fact that he looks pretty good covered in sweat and grease. Good thing Cas doesn't mind his grime, or if he does, he's never said anything about it and doesn't now.

Dean glances up, flashes Cas a little wink as he stands upright, tossing the towel aside. ]

I'm probably done for the day. Need to hit the scrapyard soon, see about finding some more parts. [ He'll brave the mists for his baby. ]

[ Sometimes hygiene is important, and then sometimes you just want to see the man you love covered in grease and motor oil. Both takes are valid, Cas thinks. But then, let's be real, there isn't much Cas isn't okay with these days. When Dean winks, Cas smiles brighter, and when he says he's done, Cas helps himself to meandering over, closing the hood and hopping right up on it. ]

Well, let me know when you're heading out, and I'll watch your back. Don't want you winding up with any more bug bites.

[ Speaking of, he pulls his legs up to sit cross-legged on the hood and opens the first aid kit across his lap, then he holds out a hand towards Dean expectantly. ]

Let's see that arm.

[ Leave it to Dean to get not one, but two injuries at the same time, one of which Cas is regrettably responsible for. Keeping the stitches clean and the bandage on his hand fresh is is the least he can do. ]

[ There are very few people he'd let sit on Baby's hood, Cas is one of them. Dean watches Cas hop up, meandering closer, ready to lean into his space. ]

I will.

[ Between Cas and Sam, Dean finally, finally feels complete, like his family really is knitting itself back together again. His brothers are here, and while one is a spritely fourteen and the other a broody motherfucker, they're here and they're okay and they're alive. Healthy, even.

With Cas here, it feels like his little circle is complete.

It's a good feeling. ]

You don't have to worry about it. It's fine. [ Probably nearly healed, maybe.

He's rolling the sleeve up to his shoulder on his left arm anyway, because it's Cas, and the argument isn't worth it, and he likes the attention he's getting. ]

[ There aren't many situations when Cas feels the need to be stubborn and argue with Dean, but this would certainly be one of them, so it's a relief when Dean rolls up his sleeve instead of fighting it. Cas uses the time to open an antiseptic bottle and wet a clean cotton pad, an absolutely luxury compared to threadbare rags soaked in whiskey. ]

Sorry to deprive you of the scars you've been nurturing.

[ But no, actually, when Dean offers his arm and Cas takes it in his hands and wipes over the sutures, cleaning away the errant smudge of grease, they're healing nicely. Sam did a good job, but of course, Cas shouldn't be surprised. The brothers take care of each other. It's strange and painfully nostalgic to see. ]

I think that's the moment that I realized this place was real, in some form of the word: when you cut yourself, and I watched you bleed.

[ Cas muses to himself as he works, leaving the cleaned stitches to dry while he wets a new cloth and takes Dean's hand in both of his, spreading his palm open, cleaning away the rust and grease from a wound that's only rough and pink and not really in need of attention, already mostly healed. Cas cleans it thoroughly anyway, as if it were fresh. ]

In just about every other way, this place still feels like a dream.

[ For some people, this town full of monsters and mist and alternate versions of oneself would be a nightmare, but for them? It's the kindest dream Cas has had in a long time, far preferable to the waking world. Their reality feels more like a nightmare he's afraid he'll fall back into the next time he closes his eyes. ]

[ Sam was always better with needlework than Dean. Dean's efficient, he can get it done, but Sam's were always nicer and far less likely to scar. It's certainly healing well. ]

At first, it was a nightmare. [ For Dean, anyway. Cas is lucky (sort of) in that he missed most of the trauma Dean was exposed to almost immediately upon arriving, and Dean truly does have to count his lucky stars that his angel wasn't privy to any of that shit - the actual events, and the consequences.

Dean was not well for a while. His coping mechanisms are already unhealthy, and the risks he took while Sam was dead were considerable. There are a lot of new scars dotting his body now, some still pink and blistery. Healed, but new. ]

It's better now. [ Ariadne had been right, again (he'll never confess) - as awful as the city could be, it was better than home. ]

[ Whatever happened to Dean in Deerington that could possibly be considered as bad (or worse) than the world of zombies and hell they've arrived from, Cas isn't sure he wants to hear about. He frowns at Dean as he wipes the last traces of grease from his palm, waiting for an explanation, but of course, one doesn't come. Nothing good comes from reopening old wounds, and so Cas lets it lie, putting the dirtied supplies back into the kit in his lap and then setting the whole thing aside next to him, and pulling Dean's hand back into his again. He lays his thumbs with firm, gentle pressure along the scar in Dean's hand, watching his face to gauge from his expression if it's fully healed or if there's something nasty simmering beneath the surface, because he doesn't trust Dean at all to tell him. ]

You're alive. So yeah, I'd call that better.

[ Also Lucifer is MIA, Sam is adorably young, and Croatoan isn't running rampant, destroying the world, but Cas is shameless about where his priorities lie these days. ]

[ Dean won't elaborate, not unless Cas pries it out of him. Even then, at most, Cas would get a watered down version to spare the trauma Dean had experienced. Dean isn't great at 'sharing' and emoting, especially not anymore.

He tips his head, watching Cas, letting him press on the scar. It aches a tad, in the way newly healed wounds do, but it isn't vicious or sharp like the raw wounds in his heart that will not mend. ]

So are you.

[ They're both alive, and there's something to be said for that, and it's all he can think about as he curls his fingers over Cas', covering them with his free hand. ]

[ No infection then, just another lovely pink scar added to the other fades scars and freckles of Dean's skin. That's the best they can hope for: healed scars. Maybe it's not possible to heal the ones that run deep, but at least they can numb them for a little bit. ]

Am I? It's hard to tell sometimes where that thin red line between living and existing is drawn.

[ Cas only encourages Dean's touch, linking their fingers like the tendrils of a jellyfish, drawing Dean in. He tugs Dean closer by the arm and angles his head, leaning in to whisper against his mouth. ]

Prove it to me?

[ He makes a noise in the back of his throat in agreement; living and existing are sometimes two very, very different things. Still, Cas is real, tangible - warm as he pulls Dean in, lips brushing so softly, a ghost of a kiss. ]

I'd be happy to.

[ His voice is low, warm - a rumble in his chest, need bubbling back up to the surface, fingers tightening on Cas' hand as he reaches with his other to cup the back of his head, slide his fingers into soft dark hair, guide Cas in the rest of the way.

A proper kiss - they're exposed, but it can't be helped, Dean can't stop himself, denying any of this is stupid when they were granted this almost hallucinatory second chance.

They're real. This is real. It is and isn't a dream, but Dean feels in the pit of his belly that regardless the terminology used, this is real. Cas is real, he's warm, he's here - Dean can still hardly believe it.

He kisses him like it's their last, tasting his lips, hand sliding free of Cas; hair in favor of cupping his jaw, thumb brushing his cheek. He kisses him again and again, devouring him, stealing Cas' breath, barely allowing either of them to breathe before he's diving back in, tracing his tongue over soft lips, hungry, ravenous, desperate. ]

[ Dreams can be so vivid, but it's always obvious that you've been dreaming after you wake up. There are details that don't hold up, realities that would never happen in the waking hours. The problem is, Dean feels like one of those impossible things, that it's hard to accept that this dream is real, whether Cas is awake or not. The rasp of his voice and the warmth of his mouth are beautifully corporeal. His fingers are calloused but gentle as they cover Cas's fingers and sink into his hair, and whether this is a cruel dream or a kind reality, Cas leans into it, welcoming Dean's hands, his tongue, his warmth, and everything that makes Dean Dean inexorably closer.

Doubt is a creeping, poisonous thing, but Dean's hands and overwhelmingly deep kisses chase it away. Cas's fingers tug at Dean's shirt and slip under it to find more skin to touch, and Dean's warmth is a weapon against the world that Cas clings to. He kisses him back, blissfully breathless. He slides forward towards Dean, starved even as he's being sated, and the hood pops under the loss of his weight, and Cas remembers why they're out here making out like teenagers on the front lawn to start with, and why they shouldn't, and what he's risking.

It's enough of a fear that he pulls his hands out from under Dean's shirt and leans away from those sweetly addictive kisses. His eyes track Dean's lips and his voice is breathless with Dean's kisses, and all Cas wants is to lean back in and inhale him more. But— ]

Mn... The hood's nice, a real workout on the abs, but when do I get my tour of the backseat?

[ Dean follows after Cas when he leans back, his hands sliding free of hair and hands. He aches for more, lips cool and damp from where he'd tasted paradise. Cas is speaking, but it's muffled under the roar of need in Dean's veins, skin pricked with gooseflesh from where Cas' fingers slid over his body. ]

What? [ Dean's already reaching for Cas again, uncomprehending at first, mirroring the desire for touch. He slips his hand under Cas' shirt to pass over his belly to his lower back, eager to bring him in ever closer, because Dean cannot get enough and even the press of flesh on flesh is not good enough. He wants to crawl into Cas and stay there, so deeply ingrained, sand under skin.

Some of the fog clears, though, and it registers what is actually being said and Dean remembers himself, eases back with great reluctance and lets his fingers trail over Cas' skin, lingering at his hip. Cas is a bright star in Dean's dimly lit universe, a beacon of light glimmering in the twilight. He can't look away, can't pull away from his gravity now that he's allowed himself to be caught.

A deep breath, one, two. ]

Right now.

Edited 2021-06-03 13:03 (UTC)

[ Reality is the space between them, the cool air saturated with the sharp smell of fog. The dream world is Dean's hands on Cas's skin, lighting up his senses, flaring up heat under the wake of Dean's fingertips on his sides, his back, and sand underneath skin sounds terrible, but if it's Dean, Cas would welcome the painful itch, wrap a protective shell around it, and squeeze, and lave, and love Dean's grit to smooth, righteous pearl.

Parting from Dean's touch is not sweet, all sorrow, and as soon as Cas is slid off the hood, he wraps his hands up in Dean's flannel and tugs him towards himself again, kissing Dean's mouth but only fleetingly, making him chase as he walks backwards around the side of the car, dragging Dean along with each step. ]

Right now is perfect. Show me.

[ Cas leans back against the door and pulls Dean against him, kissing him deeper, drinking from his mouth, and it's a little counter-intuitive to the whole get inside the vehicle idea, but kissing Dean and holding him like this is a dream, and if they're lucky, maybe dream logic will take over and they'll phase right through the steel, hit the leather, and never have to part to do it. ]

[ Cas backs up, teasing Dean, and Dean easily, eagerly gives chase. He reaches for Cas, fingers light on his hips as he goes after him, seeking kisses only to be denied. The angel keeps just out of reach; Dean moves to close in and Cas slips away, until he managed to pin him up against the car, hips pressed flush, noses brushing. He doesn't kiss him again, though - not yet.

Instead, he reaches around, fumbles with the door handle to open it, pulling Cas with him as it swings outward. The backseat of the Impala is startlingly roomy, and the leather has been lovingly, carefully restored, parts salvaged from a strikingly similar Impala he'd found in the scrapyard.

A remnant from a previous stay, maybe. There's certainly been a revolving door of Winchesters in Deerington. He won't complain though, because the parts were needed and the leather was still intact. It'll hold up to the weight of two men, because Dean is easing Cas into the vehicle, pinning him down, and closing the door behind them.

Now he will kiss Cas again, teases at that pretty mouth, tongue tracing over lips. Dean is a selfish, greedy thing, and now that they've started whatever this is, he doesn't want to stop. ]

[ The rotting of the Impala had been a gradual thing. Dean stopped driving it, and it sat like a gravestone in the grass by his cabin. The wheels went flat; the whole thing was covered with leaves and pollen as remnants from past season, but it was still drivable, back then. Still salvageable. Then a transport vehicle needed a new battery. The fluids were drained. The seats were repurposed, and a door, the license plates, and the steering wheel. The next time Cas remembers really looking at it, it was a husk of a thing, irreparably damaged. A corpse rusting away. Cas knew better than to ask Dean about whether he planned to repair it; the answer was obvious, back then. But he sat on the hood sometimes, watching the stars and the lightning, the helicopters and bombs whistling away in the distance.

He's surprised by the leather under his hands, how supple and undamaged it is, no longer cracked and stripped of its shine, but new, the way it used to be. Cared for. Dean kisses him again and Cas's hands immediately seek out Dean's skin instead, pushing Dean's shirt up above his ribs, shameless about exposing him now that they're relatively concealed. He kisses Dean again and again, just as greedy and selfish, and he arches up against Dean, not to shove him off or direct him to do anything more than what he's doing, but just to feel the press of his weight, and the slide of their bodies together.

Dean's done so much work to restore his beloved car, and himself, that Cas feels used up and grubby in comparison, but it doesn't keep him from pressing up against Dean and kissing him breathless, from sliding his hands wide over Dean's back or shoving a thigh between Dean's legs and grinding up to feel everything he can through soft, worn denim. Really, it only encourages him more, knowing what he lacks, how ruined he let things become for them and all the time lost that they have now, here, to make up for. One drunken time he barely remembers wasn't nearly good enough to fill this corroded emptiness inside of him. He needs more of Dean's hands, his skin, his mouth. A full resortation. ]

[ Either Dean didn't realize the Impala he found in the scrapyard here belonged to a previous version of himself, or he didn't care - though of the two, the latter is far more likely. As the years wore on on Baby, so they also did on Dean's soul. The passage of time and utter deterioration manifested physically in the form of Baby's demise, the warmth of his soul fading to icy blackness as the Impala rotted a few feet away.

Dean let Baby die, as Sam so accurately stated, but it wasn't because he wanted to, it wasn't because he enjoyed the decline. With every part stripped away from his precious vehicle, the one thing in life he loved as desperately as Sam or Cas, a piece of himself was stripped away, too. The battery was needed, the glass in the back windshield, the tires. She became a husk, a shell of what she used to be, a dying star - much like her driver.

If she could speak, she would say that it was alright, that she understood, that there were more important things that her parts were needed for. Dean cried when he pulled the battery out, when he took the doors off, but after that he hardened, and it became routine to strip her down when something was needed. She'd forgive him anyway, if asked, but then again - nobody ever did.

He grew colder and crueler, more and more selfish with every passing day; it's little wonder that he didn't bother to mention the Impala's existence when he found it to his other self - much like he never bothered to outwardly tell Sam or the other Dean that they existed. If he could keep these things as close to his chest for as long as possible, he would. He was irritated enough when Cas slithered over there, and while Dean recognizes that he cannot control anyone, his anger doesn't abate. It's stowed instead, carefully plugged in a bottle, combustible and fragile, and locked away. It's not a new coping mechanism, not really, but the volatility of his anger has tempered somewhat. There are new chances here, he thinks, and people that show him there is more than the life he left behind.

He's changing, slowly but surely. And the new seats in Baby's backseat mirror another sealed up fracture in his heart, molten gold shining in the multitude of cracks. Dean eases Cas back against them, the seats smooth and supple like new, smelling of leather. Hands smeared in grease slip up under Cas' shirt, skirt over his skin, trace and count his ribs as Dean meets his kisses. He breathes Cas' name against his lips; already this time is different, less urgent, less drunken fumbling, less frantic. Dean takes his time, palming Cas' ribcage, dragging his fingers up, taking his time as he savors the feel of warm skin under his fingers. ]

Edited 2021-06-05 10:57 (UTC)

[ Combustible, fragile things are the kind most likely to explode and destroy a great deal of everything around them, but then Cas isn't in a place to lecture Dean about his anger. Cas was lightning in a bottle like that, once. Now he's a drained wine bottle with the bottom broken off: empty and sharp and incapable of being filled. But oh, how sweet it is to feel whole for a moment here and there, when Dean touches him gently and breathes Cas's name against his lips, a reminder of who he still is.

That lightning is gone, but the smell of motor oil and leather seats makes him feel high on nostalgia for a time when it wasn't. He sighs Dean's name into the next kiss, a reminder of who Dean always will be to him, and though there's no urgency or need to rush, Cas feels greedy for more of Dean, anyway. He traces the curve of Dean's back and his sides, his chest and his stomach as he kisses him again and again, inhaling the scent and taste of Dean with soft, oiled leather, and when Dean's shirt gets in the way of his hands, Cas tugs it up, and up, over Dean's arms.

He drops his head back to the seat and smiles as he watches, because Dean's always been, and still is, lovely to look at. Mostly though, it's just as nice to see Dean right now as it is to touch him. Cas's starved touches turn gentle as he traces Dean's high cheekbones, his plush lips and rough chin, before tugging him down again slowly and arching up to meet him in more leisurely, deep kisses. ]

[ For all of his bravado and bluster, the simmering rage under the surface and the ease in which he can plug someone infected with Croatoan without hesitation, Dean is soft, fragile - delicate in a way that's hidden under a carefully constructed macho persona, unwilling to let the gentleness in his heart free for fear of being hurt.

No one likes being hurt, and yet he and Cas have destroyed each other more times than they can count. Words like sharp steel, sex as a weapon. It's been an unhealthy tango for ages, a battle that couldn't be won, not when each party was foolishly reacting to the others bad decisions. He tugs at the hem of the angels shirt in kind, shoving it up his sides, encouraging him to lift his arms, get it off, because Dean wants to see and touch and scrape his teeth over the planes and valleys of Cas' body. ]

Here, though, in the backseat of the Impala, fresh and smelling of oiled leather and the whiskey on his lips, it feels like a new start. Dean's shirt is easily removed, shoved down on the floorboards of the car and immediately forgotten. All that there is to worry about now are Cas' plush lips, the fingers tracing over Dean's jaw and cheeks.

DEERINGTON INBOX

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cw: oh it's spicy now also

tHESE TWO

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do i have to cw: smut this same thread again because like it should be obvious by now

just be like cw: dean and cas, that's it, that's the warning

exactly

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