[ Not a bad question, and Cas huffs a laugh, because fuck, he was stupid. Thinking if he just... acted like Dean, he would get Dean, that things would be easy for him to have whoever he wanted, the way Dean does... When he didn't even take into account that the way Dean acts is and has always been that, just an act, and that everything he does to cope is just to cope, not make things better. Cas thought it would make them closer, and all it did was tear them apart. He fucked up in every way a person can, and all he can do now is laugh about it. ]

I don't know anymore. Maybe it doesn't. It was a long time ago.

[ The laughter is quick to fade to a sad smile as he looks at Dean, though, because yeah. He's changed. He's nothing like the person he was, except that he does still want Dean, exactly the way he is. ]

I'm sorry I fell apart, the other night. It had just been so long, and I... still want you. Just you. That's "why you," so you know.

[ No drug Cas has ever tried has been able to take away how he feels about Dean. It aches, and his heart races and throbs, his throat and chest both aching like he can't breathe as he admits it. ]